you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
