I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
