You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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