Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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