she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
True strength comes from lack of pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
soo... how was my night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
