somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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