So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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