oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
