After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
