i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize