I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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