Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
