she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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