I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize