Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
