you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I touched a dick in church today
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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