pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
