I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
