So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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