I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
