Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
