So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i came on her dog
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
