Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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