I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
