Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
