I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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