you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize