I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
