He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
