I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
