It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
