party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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