you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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