He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
