Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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