I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
