Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
