So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
