Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
