would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
