i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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