We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
