i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
