If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
