I bet he comes in French.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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