Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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