I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My penis needs a shock collar
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
