I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
