No stitches, just platelets and will power
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
