i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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