I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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