it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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