i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
