were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
