I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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