The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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