just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
