I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize