I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
