If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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