If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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