My sheets look like a crime scene.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize