he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hippo gnu deer
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
